You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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