problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
