The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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