Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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