My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
