Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
