i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
