I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
