I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
