I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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