When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
