Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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