my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
