she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
