You work out of a Hotel?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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