Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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