You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I forget how to act sober
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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