I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
