Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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