No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
