But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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