I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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