Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
