It's Friday. Sex?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
