just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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