In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
