worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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