Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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