I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
