Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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