I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
