I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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