Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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