I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
