I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How naked do you want me to be?
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