so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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