I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
