I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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