and she was petting her beer can
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
