I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
