i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize