like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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