Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize