Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
