Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
