I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
