Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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