for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
