just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
