Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
