just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
