So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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