I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize