first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
