Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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