1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
