i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
