So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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