I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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