You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize