party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
