That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
