The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
