I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
