I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
