Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
