he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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