I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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