Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
